The one about my first crush

Gepost door Grey-D-Locks , Labels:

Taking a trip down memory lane! I wrote this when I was 16 or 17 I guess.. It's funny to me how I still hold some hope of this ever happening. I think it's the season... Anyway changed little parts, cuz I thought I could write it better now. Enjoy.


Just been having one of those thought again. Scenario's keep playing in my head of "what if" situations and again I am amazed at how much time I spend thinking of all kinds of outcomes (all in my favor of course) Today I saw someone in a picture that looked just like you, so I cut it out and pinned it on my board. I know, it's sad right... But I dont want to forget how you looked like, so I could show people and say: "hey, this is the one who made me who I am today (or at least how you looked like a bit).
My thoughts always go a little something like this..

It would be outside somewhere, maybe in front of your favourite pizza place where I still look inside everytime I pass it by. And of course it wouldn't happen on the days when I would like to see you again. My eyes would be drowsy, my hair a mess or my clothes bumming, ya know, stuff like that. But I would not let this opportunity pass me by seeing as I have done that once before to me everlasting regret.. I would come up to you and say: "HEY, long time no see!" (overhappily ofcourse) We would both say we were fine, even if we weren't, cuz it's what everybody does. I would make sure to lead the conversation on as long as possible. I would talk about school, jobs, the weather even! I would shamelessly use it all just so you'd know that I hadn't forgotten about the connection we once had. The talks we had, the laughs we shared, our former bodies that we'd seen .. and the present body I'd want you to look at now.

Minutes that would later seem like a lifetime would go by and just when you would say those closing words: "But eh.." I would casually try to end the conversation before you can, pretending like there was some other place I needed to be instead of right there with you... And before my mind can wrap around what is coming out of mouth I would say: "Hey! You got facebook? So we dont have to catch up every seven years in seven minutes, heh.."

Of course, this is just a thought...

0 reacties

The one about closure

Gepost door Grey-D-Locks , Labels: ,

Quick to fall in love, not so quick to fall out of it... Yeah, that's me! I develop crushes just about everyday. It's become kind of a habit, but I like the way it feels to be smitten. What can I say? I'm a sucker for romance. And in those moments I just let my mind wander through all kinds of 'what if' scenario's. What if I glanced like that? What if I smiled like that? I think so much, that by the time I collected all my thoughts, I'd already be in a divorce settlement with my latest crush. And when my fantasy ends, I let go of the infatuation. No strings attached, they're all here for my private enjoyment. I thinking that maybe I should record all these scenario's and make a book with short stories, haha! Maybe I will someday, when I'm feeling creative...

But today is about closure. As I mentioned, I fall in love in a heartbeat, wear my heart on my sleeve. And for some time I've been having a hard time letting go of a certain someone. Today was the hardest day of them all. It was monday, no more world cup or friends to keep me busy. Nope, just me, my thoughts and a playlist full of depressing music... Ouch. I was about to give up on today and go to bed just rolling around thinking: "Why is this happening"! But suddenly I had a moment of clarity! I've been so worked up about why it was that it did not work out between me and [insert name] that I forgot about all the things that DID work between us. The fact that I found a good friend who taught me a lot about life was completely clouded by my pride and my confusion about the fact that I couldn't make it work anymore in the end. I became angry and cold and lost hope. But in that moment I suddenly found it in myself to accept one fact. 'What's done is done and can't be undone'. It's a new chapter, but this time it's not one out of my scenario's! This is real, so it's time to move on. If I don't, I won't be able to open myself up to anyone else and I'll lose a friend at the same time. I'm going to prove to myself and everybody who told me that it was impossible to start a friendship with someone you cared about in a romantic way, that it is possible! I can take not being the one now, I can't take being no one at all...


This is me, signing off ;) *and listening to Gwen Stefani's 'Cool' ^^*

0 reacties

There are generation gaps for a reason!

Gepost door Grey-D-Locks , Labels:

Hi!

So I think I finally have something worth talking about. Inspiration came to me and let me tell you... this one is a doozy.

Today my aunts thought we had reached the point in our relationship that they could discuss matters of the human pleasure! No, I'm not talking about the big nasty, cuz I would have had to been recuscitaded (BREATHE, child, breathe!) No, they had to go and discuss the places they want to go and/or have gone to to go enjoy their nightlife. This in itself isn't a big issue for me of course. More power to you if you decide that you may have gone and leaped over your mid thirties, but you are not some plain Jane housewife. But it IS however an issue when the following is being discussed with me: I do not need any explaining about what the places of your choice happen to be when they are same clubs and scenes that your 20-year old cousin also favors to go/be around! NO WAY! I was just sitting there with my aunts just having normal conversation and all of a sudden I have to be de recepient of this disturbing news! Are you kidding me! 

But it gets worse if possible! So now that they've been discussing with me where they like to spend their nights dancing and drinking (cuz they can't fool nobody! I was at all them birthday parties and they know how to handle a drink haha!) my aunts start talking about things like msn messenger, facebook and how they hate it that they have their parents on their chatlists or what not. [...] Have I entered some twilight zone where age/generation GAPS have no importance?! Really?! So.. when I was brought to the attention of this interesting common ground, I took it to myself to remind them that this fact is very known to us young people and that my aunts should think of this situation as a learning experience and take it to themselves to not bother their offspring in their internet environment. They were offended! Are you kidding me!? Is it too much to ask of your elder-LY family to have some retrospect?? It was so contradicting and I looked at my cousin and she didn't know what to say either... So I left my aunt's place, even though they really insisted on me to stay (like I'm gonna want to listen to more of these revelations!), feeling very confused and I just needed that of my chest.

This is me,, signing off ;)

1 reacties

Early calls, Coco Chanel and 'Summer Fun'

Gepost door Grey-D-Locks , Labels: , ,

Hi! 

It's been a while since I put something up, but I've got a good reason for it! That's because my life has been pretty uneventfull... On another note; It's officially summer people! A shout out to the sun, we love you and don't ever leave us. And even though the summer so far has been a total disappointment, I've still got some time to turn the tide around! Onward to positive thinking and all that other bullshit :D

Okay, on to serious stuff. I may or may not have mentioned it in a previous blog, but I quit my previous study... before the year ended. Don't worry! I got something new going on. I'll fullfill my longtime dream of becoming a man earning above average! Anyway, I'm gonna start at my new college in September, soo.. that means approxamitely two months of me having nothing to do.. 

Well, that's not really true, I have a job, but I'm really starting to hate it and I also didn't show up one day.. But I can't do bad things. I honestly always get caught. I just didn't think I would get caught so fast... I went to town with my mom and there he was, my boss! WTF?! I just winged it after that. Pokerfaced through the sudden meeting, greeted him and walked away. I think I'm gonna stick to that tactic untill I find something else. I've been applying like crazy!) I was actually called by someone today for a job I applied for ^^ A lovely conversation that was... Take note, it was early and I was still half sleeping.. Anyway, the convo kinda went like this:  

Me: *rumblerumble* "Yes, who's this?"

Lady: "Hi, this is Fatima from vbyuvdhvjehdvbhejbjhlwnjnk, it is correct that you applied for beywdbhejhdjbhl?"

Me: "...Sorry, I didn't get that?"

Lady: *annoyed sigh* "Hi, this is Fatima from vbyuvdhvjehdvbhejbjhlwnjnk, it is correct that you applied for beywdbhejhdjbhl?"
  
Me: "You're talking to fast! I can't understand a word you're saying, could you repeat that, please?"

Bitch: *another annoyed sigh* "Hi, this is Fatima from vbyuvdhvjehdvbhejbjhlwnjnk, it is correct..." 


Me: "NEVER MIND!" *beepbeepbeep*


[...] I handled that great, huh? But in my defence! At least I was talking to her like an actual human being!
 
On a different note, I saw "Coco avant Chanel", you know, the one about the life founder of the 'Chanel' brand and I was so inspired by it, I mean she didn't give a fudge about anybody's rules about how to act, how to dress or how love should be. I put together (uhumcopieduhum)an outfit I saw to kinda depict the feeling I got from the movie. It's not Chanel I'm wearing... Anyway, see the movie, it's good!




 
















This is me, signing off ;)                                 

2 reacties

Clumsy

Gepost door Grey-D-Locks , Labels: ,

!!Warning!!



This blog contains contents of crazyness. If you are not looking for a blog containing content of crazyness or this is prohibited within your region, do not proceed.

So there is something that I like to do and it's pretty crazy. Even my friends say it's crazy (except for one, but that one doesn't count.. you know who you are) but I like to think that it's crazy in a funny 'haha' way and not crazy in a 'youdidn't!' way..

But first some additional information! Today I got my education on by attending an open night at one of the colleges of my city (Rotterdam!!! Google that shit), because I need to do something with my life besides working as a waiter and blogging (and not having a life). It was very imformative bla, and I think I'm certain that the study I've been pondering about is suited for me bla. ANYWAY! I forced a friend to come with me and as this lady was about to begin her presentation I was struck... struck by lightning people! This guy came in and he 'Pikachu'd' me! Specs! Dark hair going all swoosh~, light brown (?) eyes.. in any case light eyes! It was like a high school movie! Of course I brought this to my friends' attention by:

  • almost jumping out my seat
  • whispering in her ear: "He's cute!" But.. I whisper like Homer Simpson so the people sitting next to us heard it too.. DOH! but dilligaf?
So Pikachu (that's what we are calling him) came in and I could immediately tell. He had the look.. the walk.. he had the gaze and it was directed at me (booyah!). He was into it and fudge, I was too! I had to tell myself to stop it with the damned swooning and pay attention to getting my education on, but I couldn't help but notice him turning around from time to time in my direction. So I know what you're probably thinking right now: "Well, real em in, seal the deal!" (or bla, boring, don't give a fudge) But I couldn't.. I mean
  • I just got out a relationship. (no, you're chicken.)
  • I was with a friend! (she wouldn't have cared.)
  • I was hungry and I wanted to go home and eat..? (you're always hungry.)
  • I had to maintain my poker face (you know you're not smooth)
Ok, I didn't have any reason not to ask his number (stupid inner voice of truth) so that's when I thought.. because I hadn't done anything at the moment (and there were plenty moments) I'll stalk him by riding my bike alongside the road he was walking! I went CSI meets Numb3rs on his ass! I calculated where he could live based on his appearance and the direction he was walking. Logical huh! I mean, genius! And guess what! I didn't find him, dropped my phone on the pavement and now the buttons aren't working! "Clumsy, cuz I'm falling in love" much. But I'm not giving up! He'll enroll into that college too, I just know it.

This is me, signing off ;)




3 reacties

High school Movies!

Gepost door Grey-D-Locks , Labels: , , , ,

You remember the time when everything in life was just so much simpler? When all you had to worry about was whether you'd be on time for history class and if the person you liked got the letter you sneaked in their locker. *Sigh* Nostalgiiiiic..

Which brings me to the next subject! High School movies.I love watching high school movies. I don't know what it is. It just takes me back and they're so damn entertaining! I don't think I'll never tire of them. Anyway, I was at a party (no, it's true, there was cheese on toast and everything..) and we were talking about our favourite high school movies. Well, I couldn't really think of a lot of titles to mention at the party and OCD as I am, I spent all day today thinking the three movies that I thought were awesome. So I'd like to share those with __ internet?

First off!


Mean Girls! This movie cracked me up(especially this particular scene here :P) I still use some of the quotes they made in this epic movie about the social hierarchy called 'high school'. I mean, all my blogs are basically word vomit and sometimes I think I am too gay to function too. But seriously, aside from it being highly comedic, I think it had a strong message too. My interpretation: 

*Uhuhm* High school will always have clicks. Destroy the people in the evil clicks and then they'll find new people to form clicks with who are less of a threath to you. Afterwards you may or may not greet them casually if you run into them ^^ (I never said I would give good, accurate reviews)

Next up! The Breakfast Club. I remember watching it and thinking that I related to each one of the characters in the movie. I wanted to be a rebel, a jock, a freak, someone popular and a nerd all at the same time. I ended up being someone who was popular for being a nerdy freak with a rebellious streak. I never was seen as 'jocky'... Anyway, it taught me to just be myself and I'm still being myself to a lot of people's regret =D


My final favourite!



Oh yes... This movie brings out the evil, manipulative teenage monster in me (...) No, I don't have what it takes to ever do what is done in this movie and I hope that they're aren't too many creepy sociopaths like this running around in high school, cuz that would be very disturbing... Anyway! It does give me a 'youcan'tfuckwithme!' feel everytime I watch it. And it's Buffy! Oh, how I love Buffy, I just wanna (word vomit).

OH, also I'd really like to know what your favourite high school movies are! I'm bored, free from college and I need something to watch, so help a brother out, son (yeah, I'm to lazy to google!).


This is me, signing off ;)

 

4 reacties

Parttime jobs

Gepost door Grey-D-Locks , Labels:

So I've tried about every parttime job there is available for someone with my skills and attributes *brushes shoulder*. Of course I've gained a lot of experience and wisdom and I'd like to share my findings. Soo:

  • Delivering flyers is like... giving a crappy present. You have to do it unnoticed, anonymous and with stealth, or you'll be on the recieving end of sarcastic remarks that sting and make you feel unaccomplished...
  • Working at a pizzaria is fine, because making pizza's no one ordered and bringing them home with you, cuz your boss is an asshole and your colleges are rascist, is really sweet dude!
  • Being a supermarket stock boy kills your soul! No, seriously! Time just flies by and you die!
  • Making lots of money at callcenters is fun. And if you're able to pronounce half a sentence on the phone, you're hired on the spot! Side effect: you'll start sounding like a anchor person in real life...
  • Same goes for promotion work, only you're outside! Which is better (if it isn't raining so hard that your socks get soaked..) I never got how it worked though, seeing as I could not smile for five hours straight, go figure?
  • Retail... Working in a clothes shop is a great opportunity to act like you actually give a FUCK about what other people wear. Practice: your bored/arrogant face ^^
  • Working at a coffeeshop (the ones that sell coffee!) give you a sence of false glamour. You're a waiter! You serve people! You're multitasking all day and go home tired! But do it with a smile, cuz people MIGHT tip you ;)
I want a cool job D=


This is me, signing off ;)

1 reacties
Abonneren op: Posts (Atom)